A certain well-known brand of cola has just announced “a robust partnership” with a well-known television shopping network to advertise merchandise that is “perfect for anyone on your holiday gift list.”

The perfect gifts for sale on the shopping network would include, but not be limited to: a wall-mounted bottle opener for $12.95, a bicycle for $499 and a refrigerated cooler for $1,200.

What makes all of these gifts “perfect,” apparently, is that the name of the cola company is prominently emblazoned upon them.

And while I have spent most of my adult life searching for the perfect gift, I’ve also spent a great deal of that time wondering why so many people seem so eager to buy items with product names on them.

Millions of people, for instance, buy and wear T-shirts with the names of products or companies printed on them. Not only are they willing to become human billboards, they pay for the privilege.

I don’t get it. If a company wants me to walk around advertising its product, shouldn’t it pay me? For the right amount of money, in fact, I’d be willing to wear the name of a cola company permanently tattooed on my forehead.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I’ll admit to owning a few items of apparel with the name of sports teams on them. These include three T-shirts, two sweatshirts and a cap bearing the name and logo of a prestigious university that neither I nor any of my progeny were either rich enough or smart enough to attend. I also have a few Cleveland Browns shirts.

But sports teams are an entirely different matter than products. They’re a means of sharing a common interest. If, for instance, you’re wearing a Cleveland Browns sweatshirt it gives you the right — perhaps even the obligation — to bark like a dawg if you encounter another person wearing a Cleveland Browns sweatshirt. Countless lifelong friendships have been formed in this manner.

It’s not the same with products. I seriously doubt that anyone wearing a shirt with the name of a soft drink company on it ever has encountered someone else wearing a similar shirt and said, “Wow, you and I drink the same brand of cola. Let’s be friends.”

The whole concept of paying to wear the name of someone else’s product across my chest seems backward to me, but I’m willing to try it. So if you’re interested in buying a T-shirt with the message, “I Read D.L. Stewart’s Column” on it, I’d be happy to sell you one.

If you have any taste whatsoever, you probably wouldn’t want to wear it in public. But it would be perfect for anyone on your holiday gift list.