Should I talk to my teen about sex?

By Gregory Ramey, Ph.D. 6:55 PM Saturday, September 4, 2010

Q My daughter is a senior in high school and I believe she is sexually active. This goes against my moral beliefs, but I realize that at her age there is probably little I can do. Should I talk with her about this or simply respect her privacy and not say anything?

A Your daughter is a minor and is still under your care and supervision. You should absolutely speak with her. Approach this issue in a sensitive manner. Find a time when you both are alone and your daughter is receptive to such a discussion.

While not backing down from your own values, you should also be respectful of her viewpoint. Be sure that your daughter is knowledgeable about her sexual health and is taking precautions to avoid pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. This type of conversation, although uncomfortable for both of you, will communicate an important message about your willingness to help your daughter navigate this very important issue.

Q My son loves soccer but really dislikes his coach. He feels that his coach treats him unfairly, that he yells too much and doesn’t let him play enough in the games. I tend to agree with my son, but I’m not sure if I should intervene on his behalf or simply let him finish out the season. He is entering fourth grade.

A Unless the coach is verbally abusive or grossly inappropriate, stay out of this one. Instead, advise your son how to approach his coach, asking what skills your son needs to work on to improve his performance. We all have to learn to get along with different types of personalities in this world. Intervening on your son’s behalf will undermine his learning some very important lessons about dealing with difficult situations.

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