Column: There is a difference between having a meltdown and being a brat

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By Marie Rossiter, Columnist 11:51 AM Thursday, November 10, 2011

Excuse me, please. May I have your attention for a few moments? Thank you.

“When did it become OK for kids to be rude to their parents?”

My 13-year-old daughter asked me this question in the grocery store last week after witnessing a child’s outburst to his mom, complete with him telling her to “Shut up!”

“I don’t know,” I told her. “As far as I’m concerned, it’s still not OK.”

Another 30 seconds of screaming later, Miss C. looks at me in disbelief. “He needs to be taken out, right Mom?”

I want to reassure everyone she didn’t mean the boy should be carried away by the CIA and erased from existence. “Taken out” is a code word in our family that was established from when the girls were toddlers. If they started acting out, they’d get a warning to shape up or we’d be shipping out, regardless of what we’re doing.

I am a realist. I know kids aren’t angels. They are impulsive and emotional. They open their mouths before thinking and say stupid things. Then again, I can think of many adults (including myself) who do the same thing.

There is a difference, though, between an occasional meltdown and simply being a brat. We teach our kids to walk and talk, read and write and even play soccer or dance ballet. Somehow, though, we have forgotten to teach our children the most basic life lesson: manners.

Manners may be the most basic lesson, but they aren’t easy to teach. During my early years as a mom, teaching manners felt more like talk to and beating my head against a brick wall. It can be exhausting and inconvenient.

I remember when Miss C. was around two-years-old and I was shopping with my best friend. I had a cart full of groceries and diapers at the checkout line. Suddenly, my darling daughter starts throwing a fit that could be heard across the store—all because I said she couldn’t have something. Bad mommy, I know.

I never baby-talked to my kids, so I told her if she didn’t stop screaming, I’d take her out of the store, put her in the car and put her to bed. As you can imagine, trying to reason with a 2-year-old wasn’t exactly effective and she continued to screech.

I was embarrassed and flustered and it would have probably been easier for me to just let her scream, pay for my items and leave. Instead, I scooped her up and just walked out so quickly, my friend had to race to catch up to me. She was shocked that I could just leave like that. Why? If I just let her rip like that without doing anything, it is like me telling her that behavior is acceptable.

Scenes like this played out many times over the years with my girls. I’ve not only left full carts, but also asked to have meals boxed up to bring home or simply sat outside or in the car with the offending/offensive child. I was not going to be bullied into giving into their tantrums just to save myself from embarrassment. It took multiple exits from public places, but eventually they learned how I expect them to behave. This means saying things like please and thank you, not arguing with each other or mom and dad.

It’s not just about learning respect for others, but also for themselves.

“Mom gets real” is a weekly column by Marie Rossiter. She is married and the mom of two girls — a teen and a tween, and they live in Liberty Twp. Rossiter publishes online family websites, Macaroni Kid West Chester-Mason and Macaroni Kid Cinci-Metro. Connect with Marie via marierossiter@gmail.com.

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