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"I'm still a virgin and intend to stay that way," 14-year-old Eric informed me during a recent evaluation. When I gently inquired what he meant, Eric proclaimed that he hadn't had sexual intercourse but then described having unprotected anal and oral sex with his girlfriend.

A recent study by the Guttmacher Institute reveals new information about the sexual behaviors of American youth. Among 15- to 19-year-olds, 50 percent have engaged in vaginal sex, 55 percent in oral sex, and 11 percent in anal sex. Unlike Eric, most teens do not engage in oral sex to maintain their virginity. Rather, once teens engage in oral or anal sexual behavior, there is a high likelihood they will have sexual intercourse.

With respect to premarital sex, Americans' sexual behavior really hasn't changed since the 1940s. More than 90 percent of Americans have sex before marriage, although sexual intercourse is initiated at an earlier age than in previous generations.

Parents are rightly concerned about their teens' sexuality, focusing not only on moral issues but also the risks of pregnancy and sexuality-transmitted diseases. There's both good and bad news from recent research.

The good news is that the rates of teen pregnancy and births to teen moms have generally continued to decline since 1940. This appears due primarily to the increasing use of contraceptives.

The bad news is that 25 percent of teen females and 18 percent of teen males had unprotected sex during their first sexual encounter. Perhaps even more disturbing was data released this year by the Centers for Disease Control revealing that 25 percent of American girls ages 14-19 were infected with a sexually transmitted disease. Their research found an alarming rate of chlamydia, HPV (human papillomavirus) genital herpes simplex type 2 and gonorrhea.

How can you raise sexually healthy children?

1. Discuss sexual issues early and often. A single conversation to explain bodily changes to your preteens is too little information given too late. Talk about sexual issues at an early age, using popular events as a stimulus to conversation. For example, recent pictures of Miley Cyrus provide a great topic for discussion of a whole range of issues.

2. Become an "askable" parent. Kids don't like lectures. Don't simply tell your kids why you think the "Hannah Montana" pictures are wrong. Look at the pictures together. Ask your preteen what they think of the photos. Ask questions. Listen. Try to understand. Kids will remember your openness and interest, and this will make it more likely they will look to you for guidance, support and information about personal issues.

3. Be honest about sex. Your kids may ask you some very detailed and graphic questions. Respond in an honest and open manner. If you turn them off and tell them they are too young for such information, they will go elsewhere.

4. Honesty doesn't mean disclosing personal information. You need not describe to your teen the first time you had sex or what you do with your spouse. Just as you respect their privacy, you have every right to declare some topics about your personal life as "off limits."

5. Try a casual, even humorous approach. Sexuality is an important part of your teen's life, but you need not approach this in a serious and ponderous manner. Teens relate much better to a more relaxed and lighthearted approach.

6. Use books. Pick up a few books for your teen to read. Don't ask them if they have any questions after reading the books, as they will likely say no or proclaim that they already knew all that stuff. Focus on a few topics relevant to them. Deal explicitly with the question of sexual health and pregnancy, and whether you would supply birth control to your teen.

Next week: Readers' questions

Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at Children's Medical Center of Dayton. For more of his columns, visit the Dayton Children's Web site at www.childrensdayton.org and sign up for FamilyWise, a free e-newsletter for parents. Send comments to Ramey at

rameyg@childrensdayton.org.