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Author Jane Isay offers this Mother's Day advice for improving the relationship between parents and children:

For parents

Keep in mind you aren't alone as you work your way through the difficult stages of parenthood. It will get better. When your children are little and are learning to walk, they hold on and try to let go of your hand at the same time. That's true in their 20s, as well. If you grab and hold onto them, they will never learn to walk or become independent.

If you are a grandparent, and your children are parenting in ways that are different, remember that times change. Keep in mind that it isn't about you.

The nicest sentence you can say to your child is: "I'm proud of you." Try to figure out ways to be of help, try to find something small you can be proud about.

If your child is doing something you don't approve of, he or she already knows it — you don't have to say it. There comes a point when you have to let go and realize it isn't your fault. Children will become who they are.

When things are difficult, why not try the "shredded tongue syndrome?" Bite your tongue and when you're crazed call your friends — that's what friends are for.

Don't discount the power of a sincere apology. "Even when parents have been terrible, adult children may be eager to be close," Isay says. "I know of cases where they had been estranged for decades, but when the parents came back and repented and apologized the children lovingly took them right back."

For grown children

Remember that the nicest sentence your parents can hear is: "Hi, Ma, how ya doing?" The question shows love and concern but no agenda.

Try to see your parents for who they are, not as giants with megaphones for mouths.

Remember that your parents' role is just to love your kids. Nobody is going to die if the grandparents give them a little candy. If your parents bring too many presents, put some in the closet and dole them out gradually. Says Isay: "If your parents are really critical about how you raise your children, let them know you're doing it your way and ask them to accept it."

As your parents age and you take on the role of caretaker, remember that they don't want to take your advice any more than your kids do. Be mindful of their autonomy.

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